Cradle Of Hope - No babies were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Prometheus - Iolaus was harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, the Green Egg men went on to live long and prosperous lives.
Death In Chains - No Jumbo Sized Cocktail Rats were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Hooves & Harlots - No males, centaurs or amazons were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts - No Oversized Polynesian-style Bamboo Horses were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However many wicker lawn chairs gave their lives.
Athens City Academy Of The Performing Bards - The producers would like to acknowledge and pay tribute to Stanley Kubrick, Kirk Douglas and all those who were involves with the making of the film classic ‘Spartacus'. Additional thanks to Steve Reeves.
A Fistful Of Dinars - No Ambrosia was spilled, spoiled or in any way harmed during the production of this motion picture. [Thanks to the indefinite shelf life of marshmallows.]
Warrior...Princess - Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Mortal Beloved - No winged Harpies were harmed or sent to a fiery grave during the production of this motion picture.
The Royal Couple Of Thieves - No Ancient and inflexible rules governing moral behavior were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
The Prodigal - Meleager the Mighty, the generally tipsy and carousing Warrior-For-Hire, was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Altered States - No Unbinding or Severely Punishing Deities were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Ties That Bind - No Fathers, spiritual or biological, were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
The Greater Good - Excessive belching can cause brain damage and social ostracism. Kids, please don't give in to peer pressure. Play it safe.
Callisto - Joxer's nose was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, his crossbow was severely damaged.
Death Mask - No messenger doves were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several are reportedly missing in action and search-and-rescue efforts are under way.
Is There A Doctor In The House? - Being that war is hell, lots of people were harmed during the production of this motion picture [but since television is a dramatic medium of make-believe, all casualties removed their prosthetic make up and when home unscathed].

Orphan Of War - No sleazy warlords who deem it necessary to drink elixirs that turn them into scary creatures were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Remember Nothing - Xena's memory was not damaged or...what was I saying?
Giant Killer - No Bible myths or icons were irreparably mangled during the production of this motion picture.
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - No Bloodsucking Bacchae's were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, a few Dryads lost their heads.
Return Of Callisto - Although Xena finally conquered her dark nemesis, Callisto, it took her weeks to get the sand out of her leather unmentionables.
Warrior...Princess...Tramp - Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana were harmed during the production of this motion picture. Meg, however, suffered minor injuries while preparing aardvark nuggets for King Lias.
Intimate Stranger - Argo was not harmed during the making of this motion picture. However, she is undergoing intensive psychotherapy to help her work through her resentment and feelings of distrust towards Xena
Ten Little Warlords - No one was harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, Xena's ability to recover her body was severely impeded by Lucy Lawless' unexpected mishap.
A Solstice Carol - Senticles was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several of his toys are in dire need of repair.
The Xena Scrolls - No Hollywood producers were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Here She Comes...Miss Amphipolis - No ribbons were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several experienced severe motion sickness.
Destiny - Julius Caesar was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, the producers deny any responsibility for any unfortunate acts of betrayal causing some discomfort.
The Quest - Xena's body was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, it took weeks for Autolycus to get his swagger back.
A Necessary Evil - The reputation of the Amazon Nation was not harmed despite Velasca's overly radical adherence to an otherwise valid belief system.
A Day In The Life - No slippery eels were harmed during the production of this motion picture despite their reputation as a fine delicacy in select cultures of the known world.
For Him The Bell Tolls - The producers wish to acknowledge the inspiration of Danny Kaye and pay tribute to the classic motion picture ‘Court Jester'.
The Execution - By popular demand, the executioner will bring back the comfortable lightweight cotton-flax blend robe in a variety of spring colors.
Blind Faith - Once again. Gabrielle's luck with men was harmed during the making of this motion picture.
Ulysses - Despite Gabrielle's incessant hurling. Ulysses' ship was not harmed during the making of this motion picture.
The Price - To show sympathy for the Horde, kaltaka was only served upon request during the production of this motion picture.
Lost Mariner - Cecrops ‘Joie de Vivre' was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
A Comedy Of Eros - No cherries were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

The Furies - Xena's sanity was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. The Furies, however, will be opening their own tap dancing variety show off-off-off Broadway soon.
Been there, Done That - The rooster was not harmed during the production of this motion picture, although his feathers were severely ruffled. However, a little gel and some mousse straightened out the mess.
The Dirty Half-Dozen - No Convicts were reformed during the production of this motion picture. Can't we all get along.
The Deliverer - Gabrielle was slightly well-dome during the production of this motion picture. However, the producers would like to recommend a zesty barbeque sauce to bring out the full flavor of this episode.
Gabrielle's Hope - Despite witnessing the bizarre and somewhat disturbing birth of Gabrielle's Hope, no farm animals were harmed or traumatized during the production of this motion picture..
The Debt I - No frock tarts were killed during the making of this motion picture, although they wished they had been.
The Debt II - Xena and Gabrielle's relationship suffered another blow [although Gabrielle doesn't know it yet] during the production of this motion picture.
King Of Assassins - Due to the infliction of a severe wedgie, Joxer was slightly uncomfortable but not seriously harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Warrior...Priestess...Tramp - Despite another Xena look-alike, the gene pool [or rather gene puddle] was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
The Quill Is Mightier... - No naked Gabrielle's were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Maternal Instincts - Xena and Gabrielle's relationship was harmed during the production of this motion picture.
The Bitter Suite - The musical genre was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. In fact, the Producers sincerely hope you were A-MUSE-D by this episode.
One Against An Army - Gabrielle's ankle was harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Forgiven - No street-talking, cat-fighting, barroom-brawling juvenile delinquents were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
King Con - No Con Men were conned during the production of this motion picture.
When In Rome - Caesar's Palace was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, Crassus and the gladiators went down for the count.
Forget Me Not - Xena and Joxer were not forgotten during production of this motion picture.
Fins, Femmes And Gems - Joxer's dignity was slightly harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, Gabrielle's pink nightie was restored to it's original condition.
Tsunami - No Cast or Crew were singing Thanks For The Memories during the production of this motion picture. However, the phrase Strike the Set was given new meaning.
Vanishing Act - Upon completion of the filming of this episode, Autolycus' Scuba Gear was placed on display at the Athens Diving Institute for the education and enjoyment of future generations to come.
Sacrifice I - No Pulsing Cocoons were harmed during the production of this motion picture. What was witnessed was purely a re-enactment.
Sacrifice II - Gabrielle finally went off the deep end during the production of this motion picture.



Adventures In The Sin Trade I - No dead Amazons lost their lives in the production of this motion picture.
Adventures In The Sin Trade II - Xena's search for Gabrielle was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
A Family Affair - No Spike-Skinned, Beast-Like, Incredibly Hungry Offspring who can't stand the sun were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
In Sickness And In Hell - No Leapin' Lice were beaten, whipped, smashed or scratched during the production of this motion picture.
A Good Day - No permanent battle scare were inflicted during the production of this motion picture.
A Take Of Two Muses - No Self-Righteous Magistrates intent on supporting the basic human right to freedom of expression were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Locked Up And Tied Down - No Rabid Flesh-Eating Crabs were cooked during the production of this motion picture.
Crusader - Xena's best chewing tooth was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Past Imperfection - Borias' goose was cooked during the production of this motion picture.
Key To The Kingdom - No Priceless Porkers, of either organic or ceramic origin, were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Daughter Of Pomira - No blonde-haired, blue-eyed girls or their extended families were harmed during the production of this motion picture. Lakota toti. Bonai. Soli bonai.
If The Shoe Fits - No Fractured Fables were harmed in the production of this motion picture.
Paradise Found - Paradise was found but not necessarily embraced during the production of this motion picture.
Devi - In memory of Women's Best Friend: Bear, Dodger, Kali, Samantha, Taffy Bear.
Between The Lines - Xena's Chakram got Gabrielle by the short hairs during the production of this motion picture.
The Way - Any similarities between Hanuman and a major character in the motion picture classic "Planet Of The Apes" is purelu coincidental.
The Play's The Thing - Although no great literary works of art were harmed or plagiarised, a few thespians stole some scenes during the production of this motion picture.

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